In these reviews we will talk about GOT, an abbreviation now known to indicate the show Game of Thrones. If you are not in step with the series, we warn you of the possible presence of spoilers.

On the evening of April 14, it aired on the HBO the first episode of the eighth season of Game of Thrones. The world waited for years to see the latest installment of GOT and, incredibly, the result was really mediocre. It is to be hoped that this first episode is just an introduction to a season that, despite the few episodes, will close all the stories.

Lost and clearly useless characters for the purpose of narration in GOT

The first episode of this season was dedicated to reintroducing the characters into the story, without wondering if they actually do anything useful. The end result is that several minutes for each character have been thrown away, as they are completely useless for the purposes of the narration: supreme examples are Gendry and Bronn, protagonists of two entirely jumpable sequences.

Other characters, already secondary from last season, manage to say two words courtesy of the writers. In general, the phantom meetings are characterized by a halo of monstrous embarrassment. The Crow with Three Eyes is now an entity in itself, which has taken the place of the legitimate heir of Winterfell, and gives us moments of rare anxiety. Imagine an Easter lunch with relatives you haven't seen for five or six years, turned into the embarrassment fair.

Dragon Trainer and bad CGI

This is Winterfell, it is twelve days north of Despair and a few degrees south of Cold Dying. It is located exactly on the meridian of Misery. My city. In a word: solid. It has been here for 8000 years but every single building is original. We have fishing, hunting and an enchanting view of the storm. The only problem is the infestations. In many places they have mice or mosquitoes. We have ... dragons.

In a season of few episodes, with episodes of growing minutes, the writers of the series have well thought of using ten minutes to communicate two things: dragons do not eat enough (poor little stars, twenty heads of cattle per day are few) and there is no technique to ride them. Get on top of them and hope they don't want you as a snack. In a sequence that could very well be a cause of plagiarism with Dreamworks, Daenerys and Jon fly with the dragons in a bad CGI riot. It all culminates in a kiss and a little intimacy, with the lizards looking jealous.

Good Sam spends the whole day in the bathroom

Your best friend returns home with a queen in tow, whom you know is his aunt, after risking his life in every conceivable way. Maybe it would be worth going to say hello, make sure he is okay, hug him on his return to Winterfell. But you are Sam Tarly and the only moment of tenderness you bring him out for your father and brother, who had threatened you with death in case you had not joined the Night Guardians, instead of your best friend.

Good old Sam will wait until the last minute before going to Jon and throwing up a truth in his face that, perhaps, would have required a good glass of wine and Daenerys' presence.

The North does not forget ... but above all it does not reason

When your king goes south to ask for the help of a queen, in possession of dragons, to fight an army of undead, it is good to point out to him that the crown of the north is more important than the salvation of the world. Westeros' pride and sense of unity in the North are well known to viewers but, in this case, perhaps it would have been better to have pragmatism overcome. Special mention to the House of Glover, who in front of a call to protect himself from the apocalypse replies with "Thanks but we are not believers in this house".

In the South, neurons are not abundant

As the North prepares for battle, Cersei has hired a company of mercenaries, surprising that they haven't brought the elephants across the sea. Dear Cersei, you had to hire the Carthaginians, they would take you to the throne room. The arrival of Euron Greyjoy, slimy like very few characters to date, warms the heart (and not only) of the beautiful Cersei. Apparently he finds men who invade his personal space and threaten to take their fleet elsewhere if they do not have access to his bed "boring". There is nothing you can do, tastes are tastes.

While magic occurs in the royal bedroom, Theon manages to save his sister. Together, the two discuss what to do and choose to split again. Maybe this is one of the few sensible scenes of the episode.

Want to know how GOT continues? Read the review of theepisode 2.